Tilsyneladende endnu en undskyldning:
On behalf of Liverpool Football Club and the people of Liverpool I should like to issue this full, sincere and heartfelt apology so that we can move on. There are things that have happened and been said which we cannot condone in any way, shape or form. We could argue about what those things are but the time has come to move on, to bury a line in the sand, to walk tall once more in our hearts. What´s important is to apologise to all those who have been let down. I should therefore like to apologise to Kenny Dalglish and all the backroom staff. I apologise to the memory of Bill Shankly. I apologise to the entire Liverpool team, regardless of their race or nationality, Uruguayan or otherwise. Time to move on. I apologise to Stan Boardman, to Nerys Hughes and of course Carla Lane – and to Cilla Black, who has quite literally had her face rubbed in diarrhea – old man´s diarrhea, the very worst sort, as “our Cilla” knows. I apologise to myself. Finally, I´d like to apologise to the Shirt. We at Liverpool Football Club are renowned for our values and ethos – there is nothing we value more than values, while our ethos can be summed up in one word: ethos. Move on.
Pride and guts. I think, in making this detailed statement of acknowledgement and contrition I have shown Liverpool to be the bigger and better club. Nothing was ever more important than this. So how dare others presume to occupy the high ground? There were facts, true facts to this whole episode which ought to have been blatantly obvious to everybody, secret facts which only a handful of true Liverpool diehards know and cannot divulge. If you do not know these facts then you show yourself to be very stupid and not Liverpool.
I mean, this Evra feller. Says he´s French. Claims to be black. But have we seen his birth certificate? And if we do, how can we tell it hasn´t been faked by one of Ferguson´s inside men at the Home Office or the FA? Then there´s this handshake business. How dare he refuse to shake Suarez´s hand? Anyone who´s even so much as looked at that footage 916 consecutive times, frame by frame and with the telly tilted at different angles can see that not grinning maniacally from ear to ear and shoving out his hand like a cuckoo coming out of a clock represents a blatant refusal to shake hands. Some way to treat a man who was only ever trying to be friendly, who´s been prepared to forgive the lies and the betrayal, rise above the adversity and victimisation and move on.
See, what Manchester can´t stand is that we´ve won more European Cups than them. They´ve only won three but who´s to say they really have? “That Night In Barcelona”? How are we to know that wasn´t all staged and doctored up in a studio? Get a sympathetic telly insider like Clive Tydlesley to run a fake commentary, hire out the Nou Camp for a night, hire 70,000 extras to pose as footy fans, pay off the entire Bayern Munich team and pull the wool over the eyes of mindless woolybacks who don´t see the LIES and the BETRAYALS that are obvious to all who walk tall with passion on the Mersey. Don´t you see, eh? If you can´t be absolutely 100 per cent certain that this DIDN´T happen, then you must be absolutely 100% certain that it DID.
So yes, the time has come to move on. As the late, great Bill Shankly said, “In football you´ve got two choices, laddie. You can either move or you can stand still. But you cannae do both at once.” So, so true. We at Liverpool Football Club have made our choice. That it happens to be the same choice as that of our American owners who screamed down the phone at King Kenny, “JUST WHAT KIND OF GA-GA FREAKING OPERATION ARE YOU RUNNING OVER THERE IN LIVERTOWN, YOU STUBBORN, REALITY-DENYING HORSE´S ASSES? DO WE ACTUALLY HAVE A PR OR LEGAL DEPARTMENT OVER THERE? WELL, TELL THEM TO PULL THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR REAR ENDS AND YOURS WITH IT! ANY OF THIS BOUNCES BACK ON OUR FRANCHISE, MR SCOTCHMAN, AND I´LL PERSONALLY BUST YOU DOWN TO GROUNDKEEPER´S CAT´S ASSISTANT, YOU MUMBLING, WALKING DISASTER AREA! YOU GOT A PEN? CAN YOU WRITE, SCOTCHMAN? WELL, TAKE DOWN THE FOLLOWING, PERSONAL, HEARTFELT FREAKIN´ APOLOGY!” only goes to show how we at Anfield speak with one voice.