The Fiver har kigget på sagen:
If ´Arry Redknapp Told Jermain Defoe To Jump Off A Cliff ...
Barney Ronay
Tuesday January 6, 2009
guardian.co.uk
JERMAIN MAN
The Fiver knows more than most how it feels to fall under the influence of a charismatic older man with a piercing stare and a long, flowing padded blue overcoat. The kind of man who promises you so many wonderful things, not least a bunk bed in the back of his chicken coop, eventual promotion to 75th-in-line spiritual wife-let and a special hat with a single "alien crystal" (note: alien crystal may look misleadingly like ring pull from a Diet Dr Pepper can) to help control your thoughts and make the terrible urge to weep go away.
With this in mind the Fiver was far from surprised to hear news of Tiny Jermain Defoe completing his will-he-will-he-obviously-he-will move back to Spurs, the club he left just under a year ago. This is of course great news for Tiny Jermain, who has now been signed by ´Arry Redknapp at West Ham, loaned by ´Arry Redknapp to Bournemouth, sold by ´Arry Redknapp to Spurs, bought by ´Arry Redknapp at Portsmouth and now bought back by ´Arry Redknapp at Spurs. Which raises the question if ´Arry Redknapp told him to jump off a cliff/fritter his previously promising career away with a series of pointless but money-spinning lateral ... ah.
Still, it´s probably all for the best. Particularly now that, following the recent telephone threats issued by Pompey meatheads with impressive Premier League footballer contact books, Tiny Jermain has left Charlton, West Ham and Portsmouth fans all fuming at the manner of his doing one. In fact Spurs is now the only place he´s actually managed to escape from without leaving behind him a trail of fist-shaking men in club colours hastily brillo-padding the "I heart Tiny Jermain" tattoos from their inner thighs.
Still, there´s plenty of time to put that right this time around. Starting off this evening, when Tiny Jermain will be "paraded" around White Hart Lane ahead of the Carling Cup tie against Burnley, possibly while clashing a cymbal arrhythmically, appearing beatifically happy, and singing a "Hare Hare ´Arry" chant of his own devising. At which point it might begin to dawn on Spurs fans that the club have effectively paid £7.5m for the privilege of having their new £15m signing play for someone else for a year. But never mind. ´Arry says it´s all OK and ´Allelujah to that.