Snak

den var ny for undertegnede.

Life in a Mental Hospital

A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he´s driving a
Truck, with his hands at 10 and 2. The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What
are you doing?"

Charlie replies, "Can´t talk right now I´m driving to Melbourne!" The
nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Charlie´s room just as he stops driving
his imaginary car and she asks, "Well Charlie, how was your trip?"

Charlie says, "I´m exhausted, I just got into Melbourne and I need some
rest."

That´s great," replied the nurse, "I´m glad you had a safe trip."

The nurse leaves Charlie´s room, and then goes across the hall into
another patients´ room and finds Ed sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.

Shocked, she shouts, "Ed what are you doing!?" To which Ed replies,
"Shhh, I´m shagging Charlie´s wife while he´s in Melbourne".

Dear Diary,

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy-efficient kind. Then, this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn´t paid for them.
Now just because I´m blonde doesn´t mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking Sales guy had told me last year.... Namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It´s been a year!
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally Just hung up.
He didn´t call back. Bet he felt dumb!

BR

- Hele min familie døde i Holocaust.
- Jeg vidste ikke din familie var jødisk.
- Næ, vi er bare retarderede.

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man´s 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

-

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don´t have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can´t believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ... "HEBREWS"

BR

A South African gold miner was injured at work and had to have his right leg amputated.
After the operation he was talking to a fellow miner and said "I suppose I´m fucked now, who would ever want a one legged gold digger?"
His mate replied "Try Paul McCartney"

BR

heheheee

Fem tyskere i en Audi Quattro ankommer til den italienske grænse.
Den italienske grænsevagt stopper dem og siger: "It´sa illegala to putta 5 people in af Quattro"
"Vot do you mean et´z illegal ?" spørger den tyske fører af bilen.
"Quattro meansa four" svarer den italienske grænsevagt.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" siger tyskeren uforstående. "Look at ze papers: zis car is disignt to kerry 5 persons".
"You can´ta pulla thata one on me" svarer italieneren. "Quattro meanse four. You have five a people ina your car and you are therforea breaking the low".
Den tyske fører mister tålmodigheden: "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over, I vant to speak to somevone viz more intelligence."
"Sorry" svarer italieneren. "He can´ta come. He´sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"

BR

Don Ø kommer op til Sankt Peter.

DØ: Hallo, jeg skal ind her.
SP: Nå, det er vi vel to om at bestemme.
DØ: Nej, jeg skal ind her. Jeg har givet 25.000 til Kræftens Bekæmpelse og 25.000 til Red Barnet og så har jeg sendt 25.000 til Folkekirkens Nødhjælp. Så du kan godt lukke mig ind!
SP: Er der ikke en eller anden der har 75.000 vi kan stikke den mand, så han kan gå ad helvede til?



(Penge er ikke alt!)