Snak

Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What´s the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"

BR

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don´t ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don´t hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don´t smoke or drink
8. Don´t have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don´t want to wear your clothes
10. Don´t need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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George Bush has a heart attack and dies.
He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.
"I don´t know what to do," says the Devil. "You´re on my list but I have no room for you.

But you definitely have to stay here, so I´ll tell you what I´m going to do. I´ve got three people here who weren´t quite as bad as you. I´ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I´ll even let YOU
decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room.

In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" George said. "I don´t think so. I´m not a good swimmer and I don´t think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. " No! I´ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you´re free to go!"

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Joke...
...Det var OB-fan, en Brøndby-fan, en FCK-fan og en AaB-fan.
De stod ved en klippe, OB-fanen sagde: jeg gør det for mit hold, og så hoppede han ud.
Så sagde FCK-fanen: jeg gør det for mit hold og så hoppede han ud.
Så sagde AaB-fanen jeg gør det for mit hold og så
skubbede han Brøndby- fanen ud over kanten......

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road.

The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o´-shanter at a rakish angle.

At the roadside there also stands a young woman.

She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping.

The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham.

"Right, you Jimmy," he shouts, "Ah want you to masturbate!"

"But......" stammers the driver.

"Du it now - or I´ll bluddy kill yu!"

So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate.

Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn´t take him long.

"Right!" snarls the Highlander, "Du it again, now!"

So the driver does it again.

"Right laddie, du it again!" demands the Highlander.

This goes on for nearly two hours.

The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand.

"Du it again!" says the Highlander.

"I can´t do it any more - you´ll just have to kill me!" whimpers the man.

The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, "All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?"

How they manage the news:
A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn´t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that´s them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We´re planning WWIII. And the guy says, "Really? What´s going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we´re going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

BR

Fuzzy about Numbers:
When a reporter asked Bush what he thought about his first hundred days in office he replied "Has it been a year already?

Coincidence or Medical Miracle?:
The discovery that Bush´s resting heart rate is 43 has led some observers to speculate that this is the first time we´ve had a president with a heart rate that matches his IQ.

From the mouth of babes:
Asked by his teacher to compare three presidents Johnny thought for a moment and said: "Well, George Washington couldn´t tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn´t tell the truth. And George W. Bush can´t tell the difference."

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Typisk amerikanere at have så lidt viden. Der bor nu "kun" omkring 25 millioner i Irak.

den sidste joke er gammel, og blev fortalt første gang om reagan, men han var jo på den anden side heller ikke alt for skarp.

The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper.
The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me fuck you for a dollar?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper.
A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me fuck you for a million dollars?" After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would."
Again the man returned to his newspaper.
A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me fuck you for five dollars?"
"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?"
"We´ve already established that" replied the man, "We´re just haggling over the price!"

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