Snak

Nazistmötet:

http://kalle.tar.knark.net/view_serie.php?id=614

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO PROSTITUTES... $150.00."
A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they´d have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they´d be arrested and taken to jail.
Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, "JESUS SAVES."
The two ladies asked the policeman why he let the other car drive by without pulling them over.
"Well, that´s a little different since it pertains to religion."
The two ladies were furious, but nonetheless they removed the sign and drove away.
The next day, the same policeman noticed the same two ladies riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car. He figured he had an easy bust, so he pulled them over once again.
As he approached the car, though, he noticed a new sign which now read, "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER... $150.00."

BR

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th
birthday. She spends
$15,000
and feels pretty good
about the results. On her way home, she stops at a
newsstand to buy a
newspaper. Before leaving, she says
to the clerk, "I hope you don´t mind my asking, but
how old do you
think I
am?"

"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I´m exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald´s and asks
the counter girl
the
very same question

The girl replies, "I´d guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I´m 50."

Now she´s feeling really good about herself. She stops
in a drug store
on
her way down the street. She goes
up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk
this burning
question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I´d say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I´m 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old
man waiting next
to
her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I´m 78 and my eyesight is going.
Although, when I
was
young, there was a sure-fire way
to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward,
but it requires
you to
let me put my hands under your
bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how
old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her
curiosity gets the
best
of her. She finally blurts
out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins
to feel around
very
slowly and carefully. He bounces
and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each
nipple. He pushes her
breasts together and rubs them
against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay,
okay...How old am
I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes
his hands, and
says,
"Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was
incredible, how could you
tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won´t get mad?"

"I promise I won´t." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald´s."

Choosing A Wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more a attractive for him because she loves him so much.


The man was impressed.


The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.


The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.


Obviously, the man was impressed.


The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he´d given her.


Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.



Men are like that, you know.



There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer´s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

http://ekstrabladet.dk/nyheder/samfund/article2679...

I Bosnien er der også forskel på en sygeplejerske og en helikopter !

?

Ikke alle læger har været oppe i en helikopter ...

A villain breaks into a house, ties up the husband and wife, he then jumps on the wife, kisses her ear and runs off to the bathroom. The husband whispers to his despairing wife, ´satisfy him or he´ll kill us. I saw the way he kissed you. I love you, be strong my darling´.

The wife replies, ´he didn´t kiss me, he whispered to me that he´s gay, horny and looking for some vaseline. I told him it´s in the bathroom cabinet. Let´s see whose fecking strong now......darling.´!!!

An Arab was interviewed at the US embassy
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........ isn´t it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh.......... dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast

Den nye matematik proeve fra Vollsmose Skole.

Navn: ……………………………
Bande: ……………………………

Opgave 1
Jamael har en AK-47 med et 30 skuds-magasin. Han misser 6 ud af 10 skud og skyder 13 skud på hvert strissersvin han ser.
Hvor mange strissersvin kan han skyde før han skal genlade?

Opgave 2
Sahjeed har 50 gram kokain, og han sælger 30 gram til Mohammed for 25.000 kr. Han sælger 12 gram til Abdullah for 15.000 kr.
Hvad er restværdien af hans kokain hvis han ikke fortynder den?

Opgave 3
Alijlah er alfons for 3 ludere. Prisen er 400 kr. for hvert knald.
Hvor mange knald må hver luder lave hver dag for at Alijlah kan købe heroin for 4.400 kr. pr. dag?

Opgave 4
Ahmed vil fortynde ½ kg heroin for at tjene 20 % mere.
Hvor mange gram bagepulver skal han bruge?

Opgave 5
Raoul afsoner en straf på 4 år for overlagt drab. Han fik 520.000 kr. for drabet. Hans kone bruger 7.000 kr. om måneden.
Hvor mange penge har Raoul tilbage når han kommer ud af fængslet?

Opgave 6
Mustafa røver en bank. I bankens kasse er 1,8 mio. kr. Mustafa får 72 % af dette beløb lagt i sin sportstaske. Om eftermiddagen slår han en gammel dame ned og stjæler hendes pung. I pungen er der 32 kr.
Hvor mange penge har Mustafa tjent i dag?

Opgave 7
Ali stjæler normalt 6-8 biler om dagen. Hvis han først bliver fængslet efter 200 biltyverier, hvor mange biler skal han så stjæle hver dag for at blive fængslet om 30 dage?

Opgave 8
Mohammed er voldsmand. Han skal bruge 6 spark i hovedet for at dræbe en mand.
Hvor mange gange har han sparket når han har dræbt 12 mænd?

Don´t know.

Men det er hella dyr kokain.

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a
Priest.

The man´s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat
pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man
turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it´s caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I´ll be damned," then returned
to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man, and
apologized. "I´m very sorry. I didn´t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don´t have it, Father. I was just reading here
that the Pope does.