Snak

A man goes into a dentists, and keeps running in circles, flapping his arms.
The dentist says, excuse me, what are you doing ?
The man says, I´m a moth, I´m a moth.
The dentist says, but this is a dental surgery.
The man keeps on running in circles, flapping his arms, saying, I´m a moth, I´m a moth.
The dentist says, do you have any problems with your teeth ?
I´m a moth, I´m a moth, says the man.
The dentist says, then why are you here ?
The man replies, you left your light on

BR

A little girl ran crying to her mum asking for a glass of cider.
what do you want a glass of cider for, asks mum.
I´ve cut my hand on a thorn, says the little girl.
So why the cider? asks mum.
well,i overheard my big sister say that whenever she get a prick in her hand,
she cant wait to get it in cider.

Haha, nice one, Duck!

[dårlig smag]

This woman was giving birth in a hospital delivery room. After the baby came out the doctor gave it the usual pat on the rear.
The baby made no sound. The doctor gave it a pat again and still no sound.
He looks at the nurse and then slaps the baby in face really hard!
The mother was in shock and started screaming at him. Ignoring her, he punched the newborn in the stomach,
then drops it on the floor and kicks it across the room! It slithers along,
hits a table and then the other doctor picks it up and slaps it a few more times.
They are now holding down the sobbing, hysterical mother who is trying to stop them.
Another nurse takes the baby and throws it like a football back to the original doctor.
He catches it, looks at the mother and says,

Oh! We were only kidding. It was already dead.

[/dårlig smag]

Sorry!!!

Haha Beer Hunter.. Den så jeg i Scrubs her den anden dag :D

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor...
"Do you do custom work?" she asks the artist.
"Why of course!" says the tattoo artist.
"Good," she says. "I´d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh. And I want them both looking at my pussy."
"No problem," says the artist. "Strip from the waist down and get up on the table."
After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.
"That doesn´t look like them!" she complains loudly.
"Oh yes it does," the artist says indignantly, "and I can prove it."
With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.
"Well, what do you think?" the woman asks, spreading her legs apart for the drunk man. "Do you know who these men are?"
The drunks studies the tattoos for a couple of seconds and says, "I´m not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely Johnny Madsen!"

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Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn´t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you"?
He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night, it was a different deputy´s turn. In the morning, the same thing happened. His hair was all standing up and his eyes were all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."
The third night was Frank´s turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player. A man´s man. The next morning, he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
"Good morning!" he said.
They couldn´t believe it! They said, "Man, what happened"?
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him goodnight. He sat up and watched me all night long."

BR

EN GANG SKULLE GLENN KJØPE SEG MOTORSYKKEL AV EN LITT GAMMEL ÅRGANG. SELGEREN FORTALTE AT DET ENESTE PROBLEMET MED SYKKELEN, VAR AT MAN MÅTTE SMØRE VASELIN PÅ SETET, HVIS DET SKULLE BEGYNNE Å REGNE. DETTE VAR NÅ OVERKOMMELIG, TENKTE GLENN OG KJØPTE SYKKELEN… NESTE DAG DRAR DEN STOLTE MOTORSYKKEL-EIEREN UT PÅ TUR. VED MIDDAGSTIDER STOPPER HAN VED ET LITE HUS NEDE VED EN SKOGKANT. HAN BANKER PÅ OG LURER PÅ OM DET ER MULIG Å FÅ SEG NOE Å SPISE. EIEREN AV HUSET, EN MANN I 40 ÅRENE, SIER AT DET ER GREIT OG BER GLENN KOMME INN. DET FØRSTE SOM SLÅR GLENN NÅR HAN KOMMER INN, ER ET KJØKKEN OPPFYLT TIL RANDEN AV OPPVASK. TALLERKNER STABLET HELT OPPUNDER TAKET. HUSEIEREN FORKLARER AT HER I HUSET SNAKKER MAN IKKE UNDER MIDDAGEN, SÅ DEN SOM ÅPNER KJEFTEN, MÅ TA OPPVASKEN. JA, JA , DETTE VAR NÅ GREIT, SÅ GLENN OG RESTEN AV FAMILIEN TIL HUSEIEREN SETTER SEG TIL BORDS. DA OPPDAGER GLENN AT HUSEIEREN HADDE EN GANSKE SÅ VAKKER DATTER. GLENN REISER SEG FRA BORDET OG DRAR DATTEREN MED SEG FOR EN KVIKK EN PÅ KAMERSET. INGEN TØR SI NOE, FOR MAN HADDE VEL IKKE LØST Å TA OPPVASKEN. ETTER EN STUND ER DE TILBAKE, DA SER GLENN AT KJERRINGA I HUSET HELLER IKKE ER SÅ VERST OG DET SAMME SKJER PÅ NYTT. NÅR DE ER FERDIGE , OPPDAGER GLENN AT DET BEGYNNER Å REGNE. HAN TAR DERFOR OPP VASELINBOKSEN SOM LIGGER PÅ INNERLOMMMA. MEN DA REISER FAREN I HUSET SEG OG SIER FØLGENDE “NEI, NU TAR Æ OPPVASKEN!”

(LATTER)

Hørt på bøssebaren:
"Nikolaj og Julie" er bare så dårlig.
De får slet ikke hinanden i enden!

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he´s got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned. "You´re going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That´s right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let´s head out for some ice cream, and then I´ll buy that new bike you´ve been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me"

Why Men are never Depressed

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.

You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don´t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000, tux rental-$100 . People never stare at your chest when you´re talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don´t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

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