Snak

A contestant on ´Who Wants to Be a Millionaire´ had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.
If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
As she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover:
Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?

Is it:
A) the condor;
B) the buzzard;
C) the cuckoo; or
D) the vulture?

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative.
She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly, ´That´s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.´
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
´I need an answer,´ said Regis.
´C: The cuckoo.´
´Is that your final answer?´ asked Regis.
´Yes, that is my final answer.´
Two seconds later, Regis said, ´I regret to inform you that the answer is....absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!´
A few days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
´Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you,´ said the contestant.
´Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way, how did you happen to know the right answer?´
´Oh, come on!´ said the blonde. ´Everybody knows that cuckoos don´t build nests. They live in clocks.´

BR

Hvordan lader man være med at glemme sin kones fødselsdag?
- Man prøver at glemme den 1 gang

Hvordan lader man være med at glemme sin kones fødselsdag?
- Man prøver at glemme den 1 gang

An Irish priest is transferred to Texas . Father O´Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O´Malley at St. Brigid´s. There´s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o´ yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Father O´Malley then replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

BR

One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.
We didn´t know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don´t forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don´t see eye to eye. He calls my husband "El-Cheap-O," my husband calls him "El-Take-O."
They love to hate each other and constantly "snipe" at each other, with my husband getting in the last word on this occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located next door to the vet. The doctor´s office was full of people waiting to see him. A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife´s pussy is finally clean and shaved and she now smells like a rose. Oh, and by the way, I think she´s pregnant. God knows who the father is!" And he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting even...

-

An 18-year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature, distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can´t marry her because of my personal family situation but I´ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man´s shoulder and tells him, "You try again."

BR

To svenske mænd :

- Tar du nånsin din kvinna i det andra hålet?

- Nej för fan, då kan hon bli med barn.

glimrende cash! især når man lige har en snak med et pigebarn som skal ud og ha en pille imod samme problem.

Det bli´r værre endnu ;-)

Svenske Bo er ude at cykle, og da han cykler over en bro, råber han:

- Hej, jag heter Bo och jag cyklar över en bro.

Næste dag cykler han samme vej, men nu møder han en også pige. De aftaler at mødes der igen om aftenen. De mødes så under broen om aftenen og klæ´r sig af, men pigen si´r at det bare bli´r analt, da hun har mens .

Bo er hurtigt i aftrækket og råber :

- Hej, jag heter Bo och jag gökar under en bro!

Pigen skriger pigen:

- Hej, jag heter Kjell och är utklädd ikväll!

A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I´m just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

BR