Snak

En midaldrende mand og hans hustru spiser lunch på en cafe i den indre by.
Manden læser Berlingeren, hustruen småkeder sig lidt og studerer bylivet.
Pludselig kommer en ualmindelig veldrejet ung kvinde gående tæt forbi det udendørs cafebord, som parret sidder ved.
"Hej!" siger den unge dame og smiler meget sødt til manden. "Hej!" siger manden og smiler glad tilbage.
"Hvem i alverden var det?" spørger hans hustru indigneret, da den unge dame er udenfor hørevidde. "Det var da min elskerinde!" svarer manden henkastet og læser i sin avis.
"DIN ELSKERINDE?" råber hustruen. "Hvad skal det sige!?!" Manden sænker avisen og kigger på hustruen over brillekanten. "Hids dig ned! Det er vel ikke noget at skabe sig sådan over?" "Hvis det er sandt, vil jeg skilles!" snerrer hustruen. "Og det med det samme!".
"Tænk dig nu om!" siger manden roligt. "Vil du sige farvel til båden, de to biler, vores ferier to gange om året, sommerhuset, Visa, Diner´s ... jeg kunne blive ved!
"Konen bliver bleg. Hun sidder længe og siger ikke noget. Pludselig retter hun sig op. "Sig mig ... er det ikke Pedersen fra dit arbejde, der sidder på cafeen der overfor?" spørger hun. Manden kigger over kanten på sine briller - "Jo, minsandten!" siger han...
"Hvem er så den unge kvinde, han sidder sammen med?" spørger konen. "Det er da hans elskerinde!" svarer manden og læser videre i sin avis.
Hustruen sidder lidt i tavshed indtil hun endelig siger "Så synes jeg godt nok vores er pænere!"


BRF

A Leeds Fan, a Liverpool fan and a Man u fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It´s my first wife´s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Leeds fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Leeds fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done. The scouser was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my dress" But even two pillows & 1 dress could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
The Manc was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The manc replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.
"Please tie the Scouser to my back."


-

I don´t understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker maybe a 12 pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup.
I said, "Wait a minute I´ve given up beer and you haven´t given up anything!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."
I told her, "Hell, that´s what the beer was for!"


BR

http://releasethefury.net/media/display.php?format...

Der er nogle grimme nogle i mellem, men også nogle decideret stupide.

Ha... det sidste klip ser for sjovt ud!

This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.

A young female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you´re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?"

"That´s correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn´t it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl´s face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said, or rather implied, she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class...and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the professor´s reply was classic.... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn´t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing!

The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn´t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn´t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn´t belong to them?" Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn´t what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock? All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

Kan desværre ikke linke direkte til de enkelte billeder, men der er nogle sjove imellem.

http://www.galehusetagf.dk/multimedia/humor.htm

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn´t find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."


BRF

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest´s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He´s done it again!"


BR