Snak

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
´What´s wrong, Bill?´ she asked.
´Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?´
´Oh, Bill, you didn´t´ she exclaimed.
´Yes, I did.´ he replied.

´My God, Bill, what happened?´

´I got fired.´

´No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?´

´Oh...she got fired too.´

BR

Two female friends had gone for a girls´ night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on
the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and
did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a
grave that had a wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with
that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

The next day, one woman´s husband was concerned that his normally sweet
and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other
husband and said, "These damn girls´ night out have got to stop. I´m
starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties."
"You think that´s bad?", said the other husband. "Mine is lying in bed
with a card stuck in her ass that says: "From all of us at the Fire
Station. We´ll never forget you.""

Local swimming gala, 50 meters free style.

Lane one: A bloke with no arms
Lane two: A bloke with no legs
Lane three: Just a head!

The gun goes off and they all dive in. Bloke with no legs takes the lead from armless bloke. The head sinks to the bottom. The armless bloke pips the legless bloke to win the race. The organisers fish the head out and ask, "What happened mate?" The head splutters and screams, "6 FUCKING MONTHS LEARNING TO SWIM WITH MY EARS, AND SOME CUNT PUTS A SWIMMING HAT ON ME!"

Før brylluppet :

Hun : Hej !
Han : Endelig ! Dette øjeblik har jeg ventet på længe !
Hun : Forstyrrer jeg dig ? Skal jeg gå igen ?
Han : NEJ ! Hvad tænker du på ? Jeg gyser ved tanken!
Hun : Elsker du mig ?
Han : Selvfølgelig. Hele dagen og hele natten.
Hun : Har du nogensinde været mig utro ?
Han : NEJ ! Aldrig. Hvorfor spørger du dog om det ?
Hun : Har du lyst til at kysse mig ?
Han : Ja, hver eneste gang, jeg har mulighed for det !
Hun : Kunne du finde på at tæve mig ?
Han : Er du vanvittig ? Du ved hvordan jeg er !
Hun : Kan jeg stole på dig ?
Han : Ja !
Hun : Elskede !

7 år efter brylluppet : (læs ovenstående dialog baglæns!)

A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from Hong Kong to Sydney, Australia. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I´d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores and my head stuffed up a sheep´s arsehole than let liquor touch my lips."

The Aussie handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn´t know we had a choice."

En dansker sidder og spiser morgenmad på en cafe.
Ved siden af ham sidder en svensker, der tygger tyggegummi. Uopfordret indleder svenskeren en samtale:
"Spiser danskere egentlig hele brødet?"
Danskeren lader modvilligt morgenmaden ligge og svarer:
"Ja, naturligvis!".
Svenskeren leger med tyggegummiet i munden og siger:
"Det gør vi ikke hos os. I Sverige spiser vi kun det inderste af brødet. Brødskorpen bliver samlet i en container, forarbejdet og formet til rundstykker og solgt til Danmark".
Danskeren hører kun meget lidt efter.
Svenskeren smiler og spørger videre:
"Spiser I også marmelade til
brødet?"
Danskeren svarer let irriteret:
Ja, naturligvis".
Mens svenskeren tygger tyggegummi imellem tænderne, siger han:
"Ikke hos os. Hos os i Sverige spiser vi kun frugt til morgenmad. Skallerne og resterne bliver samlet i en container, forarbejdet til marmelade og solgt til Danmark".

Nu er det danskerens tur til at spørge!
"Sig mig en ting", spørger danskeren. "Dyrker I også sex i Sverige?"
Svenskeren griner og svarer:
"Ja, naturligvis dyrker vi sex i Sverige".
Danskeren læner sig over bordet og spørger:"Hvad gør I med kondomerne, når de er blevet brugt?!"
"Dem smider vi da ud", svarer svenskeren.
Nu begynder danskeren virkelig at grine.
"Ikke hos os, hos os i Danmark bliver alle brugte kondomer samlet i en container, forarbejdet, smeltet og solgt til Sverige som tyggegummi.

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ´How many of you have forgiven your enemies?´
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
´Miss Joyce´´; ´Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?´
I don´t have any.´ She replied, smiling sweetly.
´Miss Joyce´, that is very unusual. How old are you?´
´Ninety-eight.´ she replied.
´Oh, Miss. Joyce, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?´

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said:

´I outlived the bitches.´

BR

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

What´s the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

(beklager hvis de har været fremme før)

Meget smagfuldt, Christian.

Hvad er det, der er langt, gult, og lugter af kylling?