Snak

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years..
He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn´t been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, ´We´re not coming out until you leave!´
The old man frowned, ´I didn´t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.´
Holding the bucket up he said, ´I´m here to feed the alligator.´

BR

Heard joke once:

Man goes to doctor. Says he´s depressed, says life seems harsh and cruel.

Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.

Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."

Man bursts into tears.

Says "But, doctor...

I am Pagliacci."

Good joke. Everybody laughs. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Fra WATCHMEN. Jer, der har set filmen, kan sikkert genkalde Rorschachs monotone stemme i fortaellingen. Fremragende. Tegneserien er meget anbefalelsesvaerdig.

One day, a loose string went into a bar and asked for a drink.
The bartender said:, "We don´t serve loose strings in here. Get the
hell out right now."

So, then the string went into the men´s room and proceeded to tie
himself into a knot.
Then he messed up his hair really good and went back into the bar.

He bellied up to the bar and asked the bartender for a drink.
The the bartender says:, Hey, aren´t you the same loose string I just
threw out of here?

And the string replied:

No, I´m a frayed knot.

BR

President Bush´s advisers came to him while he was the President and sayed "3 Brazillian died this week i Irak Sir"

President fall´s to his knee´s and cryes "MY GOD!!"
Advisers thinking (dude its only tree)

President Bush looks up and ask "How many is a Brazillian ??"

DIARY: DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my sexiest dresses and make-up.
Really excited.


DIARY: DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.


DIARY: DAY 3

At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

DIARY:DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship´s casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

DIARY: DAY 5

Pool again today, got sun burnt, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was shocked.

DIARY: DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.
Twice.


BR

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company´s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde .

"Didn´t you say, at the scene of the accident, ´I´m fine,´?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I´ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie..."

"I didn´t ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ´I´m fine!´?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde ´s answer and said to the lawyer, "I´d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had
just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn´t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now what would you say?"

-

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

BR

A blond wants to prove the rumers about blond intelligents wrong. She colours her hair dark, goes to a sheapfarm and counts all the sheeps. Afterwards, she knoks on the front door. The farmer answers. She asks him, if she may keep a sheep, if she guesses the precise number of sheeps on the farm. The farmer agrees, and the blond wins. She picks a sheep and leaves.
But before she reaches the car, the farmer calls her back and asks: "If I can guess, that you are a blonde, may I have my dog back?"

An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water since it was fairly secluded.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Chinese quickly used their hands to cover their privates. But the Japanese covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the American and the Chinese asked the Japanese why he covered his face rather than his private part.

The Japanese replied, "I don´t know about you, but in my country, it´s the face that people recognize."

BR