Snak

Den virker bedre i virkeligheden end på skrift, men jada! :-D

Hvad hedder det når en hippie skider?























































- Peace of shit...

http://www.sporten.dk/webtv/66/10017

God vittighed af selveste Messi

Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I´ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony -a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I´ll give him a call.
"Hello, ma´am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I´d like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I´m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you´ve got in your bag of tricks. We´ll go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything baby. Now
how does that sound?"

He says, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

BR

En mand vil bevise, at blondiner ikke er dumme, så han indkalder til en stor blondinekongres og tager en blondine op på podiet.
Han spørger hende, hvad 7+7 er, og hun tænker sig grundigt om. ”13,”siger hun.
”Nej, det var desværre ikke helt rigtigt”siger manden, men alle
blondinerne i salen begynder taktfast at råbe: ”Gi’ hende en chance
til,”og manden spørger en gang til: ”Hvad er 7+7?”
Blondinen tænker sig godt om og svarer: ”15.”
”Nej, det er desværre heller ikke helt rigtigt,”siger manden.
Alle blondinerne begynder igen at råbe: ”Gi’ hende en chance
til, gi’ hende en chance til!”Manden spørger endnu en gang: ”vi prøver
igen. . . Hvad er 7+7?”
Blondinen tænker sig godt om og svarer: ”14.”. Efter 1 minuts
stilhed begynder det nedefra salen igen: ”Gi’ hende en chance til, gi’
hende en chance til!”

Ho Ho :)

Jeg hørte her forleden at op imod 40.000 kvinder i Danmark udsættes for hustruvold.
Jeg er stadig chokeret, tænk at så mange kvinder ikke kan finde ud af at opføre sig ordentligt!


Og så er det vidst godt at det er weekend!

Whats the difference between marmelade and jam?

I can´t marmelade my cock up your moms arse...

Green.

(Hvis I ikke fik den, så gense ENG - USA, hen mod slutningen af 1. halvleg.)

har fået tatoveret en 100,- kr seddel på tissemanden. Det er skønt at ha´ penge i hånden. Skønt at se dem vokse.

Dette er ikke en vittighed , syntes ikke den fortjente sin egen tråd , hermed er den herinde

After getting all of Pope Benedicts luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesnt travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
Excuse me, Your Holiness, says the driver, Would you please take your seat so we can leave?
Well, to tell you the truth, says the Pope, they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I´d really like to drive today.
Im sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I´d lose my job! What if something should happen? protests the driver, wishing hed never gone to work that morning..
Who´s going to tell? says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
Please slow down, Your Holiness! pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
Oh, dear God, Im going to lose my license -- and my job! moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
I need to talk to the Chief, he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that hes stopped a limo going 205 kph.
So bust him, says the Chief.
I don´t think we want to do that, he´s really important, said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, All the more reason!
No, I mean really important, said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, Who do you have there, the mayor?
Cop: Bigger.
Chief: A senator?
Cop: Bigger.
Chief: The Prime Minister?
Cop: Bigger.
Well, said the Chief, who is it?

Cop: I think its God!

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, What makes you think its God?

Cop: His chauffeur is the Pope!

BR