Snak

Der var en mand, der stod og pustede en oppustelig dukke op nede på stranden. Folk spurgte undrende hvad han dog lavede. Hvortil han svarede, at han da var ved at puste sin gummibåd op. "Nej", sagde folk, "det er en Lolitadukke". "Nå for dælen, så har jeg sgu ligget og pulet min gummibåd hele vinteren" ;)

You´ve all heard of the Air Force´s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot´s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn´t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP´s surrounded the plane. . .only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her
where I was last night."

BR

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.
Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I´m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"
Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."

-

"Min kone døde for en måned siden, og min familie og mine venner er meget bekymrede for mig. Jeg spiser slet ikke og har tabt mig meget. Det er ikke fordi, jeg savner hende eller noget. Jeg aner bare ikke, hvor køkkenet ligger."

<blockquote>"Min kone døde for en måned siden, og min familie og mine venner er meget bekymrede for mig. Jeg spiser slet ikke og har tabt mig meget. Det er ikke fordi, jeg savner hende eller noget. Jeg aner bare ikke, hvor køkkenet ligger." </blockquote>

http://www.lamebook.com/…nttrap1.png

Stadig en god joke.

fyren til blondinen:"skal vi finde et sted og lege brandbil"

blondinen:"hvordan leger man brandbil?"

fyren:"du hyler, jeg sprøjter"

A guy walks into his doctor´s office and says, "Ddddoc, I´ve bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III´m tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme???"

The doc says, "Well, I´ll have to examine you first before I can answer you."

The doc examines him and says, "Well, I´m pretty sure that I know what the problem is."

The guy asks, "wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"

The doc says,"It´s your penis. It´s about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords."

The guy asks, "Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?"

The doc replies, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering."

The guy says, "Dddo it!"

The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor´s office and says, "Thanks Doc. You´ve solved my problem and I don´t stutter any more but I´ve only had sex once in the past month. My wife doesn´t enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my long penis. I don´t care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!"

The doc replies, "Nnnnope. A ddddeal´s a ddddeal!"

-

En tysk kannibal står anklaget for at have spist et andet menneske.

Før retsagen går igang, spørger dommeren om kannibalen har en erklæring inden sagen.

Kannibalen siger: jeg gjorde jo kun som de siger man skal i tv-reklamerne.

Dommern spørger: hvad memer De?

Kannibalen siger: "Mann nehme Dr. Oetker!"

Stram op.

Hvad mener du?