Snak

Hvad er ligheden mellem havefliser og kvinder?
Ligger du dem ned rigtigt første gang så kan du træde på dem resten af livet.

SKINNY DIPPING

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice -- picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn´t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We´re not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn´t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I´m here to feed the alligator."

To blondiner i en mørk biograf sidder og hvisker:
- Altså! Ham fyren ved siden af sidder og onanerer!
- Så ignorer ham!
- Det kan jeg ikke! Han bruger min hånd!

A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."
This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven´t been to together since we got married in 1966 in London."
"Oh ... I´m sorry to hear that. That´s terrible. But couldn´t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They´re all at the funeral."

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ´Father, my dog is dead.. Could ya´ be saying´ a mass for the poor creature?´
Father Patrick replied, ´I´m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there´s no tellin´ what they believe. Maybe they´ll do something for the creature.´
Muldoon said, ´I´ll go right away Father. Do ya´ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?´
Father Patrick exclaimed, ´Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn´t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

BR

Det minder mig om den her:

http://www.snopes.com/ph…gheaven.asp

Sidder pt i privaten og kører samtaler med ungarbejdere til en kommende butik. Sidder i en flece trøje med chelsea logo. En ung knægt på 15 år ved navn Frederik er til samtale og det går rigtig godt.

Da jeg spørger ham til sidst om der er mere han vil tilføje, påpeger han at han er glødende Liverpool fan, men håber ikke det forringer hans muligheder for jobbet.

Jeg påpeger derefter at vi hellere må tilføje optimist under stærke sider. Han svarer blot.... Ja mindst :-)


Hehe det er ingen vittighed men det er satame god humor...

Nej.

Hvad er forskellen mellem tolv døde babyer og kalvecullotte?

Jeg har ikke noget kalvecullotte i min fryser.

Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School.
Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in awhile, he went on one of the other Sundays.
On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.
Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.
Well, Ole couldn´t believe his luck. All week long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm.
When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn´t say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven dey passed the Hot Springs Motel. He´d struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.
Vell, Ole couldn´t believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena.
The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her gray curls on the pillow.
"Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole.
He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I´ve got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
"Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don´t have to smoke and drink to have a good time!"

BR