Snak

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you´re on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend´s gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn´t mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn´t take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn´t ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn´t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....


#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

-

Fik lige denne tilsendt den anden dag:

Denne mail er fra Skattedirektoratet.

Vi er nu begyndt at indkræve skat for sex, og vi vil derfor blot informere dig om, at du får penge tilbage i år.

God jul og bedre held næste år.

Mvh

Skat.dk

... og den røg direkte videre til kæresten. Håber hun forstår et vink med en vognstang.

It´s late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn´t tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ´Is the coming winter going to be cold?´
´It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,´ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ´Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?´
´Yes,´ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ´it´s going to be a very cold winter.´
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. ´Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?´
´Absolutely,´ the man replied. ´It´s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we´ve ever seen.´
´How can you be so sure?´ the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, ´The Indians are collecting a huge load of firewood´

BR

hvad er forskellen på vinterdæk og negere ?

Vinterdæk begynder ikke at synge når de får kæder på :)

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men´s toilet
when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could
reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants
then began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their
willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.


As she lifted one, she couldn´t help but notice that he was unusually
well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said,
"You must be in year four ?"

"No, Madam," he replied, "I´m riding Cupid´s Arrow in the 2.15."

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they´re gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, if you prefer them cold you can start with one and I´ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you´re low."

The man says, "You don´t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we´d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we´re drinking together."

The bartender thinks it´s a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy´s three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, "Knowing your tradition, I´d just like to just say that I´m sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."

Yesterday my wife asked why I didn´t do something useful with my time. She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said "are you nuts? You´re 72 years old and you´re going to start jumping out of air planes?"
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "You idiot, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
I´m in trouble again and don´t know what to do! I signed up for five jumps a week!

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.

BR

Konen: det skal du ikke være ked af skat, det sker for rigtig mange mænd.
Manden: for det første vil jeg gerne vide hvem er alle de mænd er, for det andet, hvis det også sker for dem, er det vel retteligt din fejl?

Why are aspirins white?

Dunno?

Because the work!

- undskyld

What did The depressed impotent man say, when hé realised hé was obtaining erection??? ´aah Swell´