Snak

Den her er helt frisk og fra virkelighedens verden:

Min kammi har lige monteret en stor butiksrude og er ved at feje og rydde op. Stiger, værktøj mm. fylder det meste af fortovet, og der kommer så en dame forbi og spørger:

"Vil i have at jeg skal flyve henover alt det der?"

hvortil min kammi knastørt svarer:

"Ja, skal du låne kosten?"

haha så fik hun den !

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the mansaid, ´Father ... during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.´
The priest replied, ´That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that.´
´There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.´
The priest said, ´By doing that, you placed yourselves in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.´
´Thank you, Father. That´s a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question.´
´And what is that, my son?´ asked the priest.
´Should I tell her the war is over?´

BR

Jeg må beklage hvis det her link er smidt: http://theoatmeal.com/djtaf/j/68

Eks: What underwear do clouds wear?


...

THUNDERPANTS!!

og,

What does a vegan zombie eat?


...

GRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNS...

A doctor at a lecture was addressing an audience in Great Western Hospital in Swindon.

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode
your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets
can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most
dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell
me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after
eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 63-year-old man in the front row raised
his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

Morten og Peter snakker om sex:

Morten: Jeg har hørt, at man skal slikke der hvor man tisser.
Peter: Brættet eller gulvet?

Udmærket sotd.

Sitting in a small restaurant, a client asked the proprietor for the menu. "We don´t need a menu here," said the proprietor, "We can serve anything you ask for."
"What, anything?" asked the client.
"Yes, anything at all." was the reply.
"In that case, I would like some camel´s tail soup."
"Very well, sir, but it will take a little while, and you will have to wait a while for it."
"That´s OK," said the client. He sat waiting for an hour or so, then a waiter brought a tureen of fragrant soup. He ate the lot, and was thoroughly delighted.
He called for the proprietor. "I really enjoyed that," he said, "But surely it was not really camel´s tail soup."
Rejoined the proprietor, "It certainly was. Tell you what, come with me."
The client was led to the back of the restaurant, where a Porsche was parked, and was motioned into it. They drove about a hundred miles into the countryside, to an enormous farm. There the client was amazed to see every possible kind of exotic plant, animal and bird.
The restaurant proprietor pointed to a compound in which there were two camels, of which one had only a stump of a tail, bandaged, with a trace of blood.
"That´s where your soup came from," he announced.
The client was absolutely flummoxed. "That is remarkable,"he gasped, "but there must sometimes be demands you can´t satisfy."
"No," replied the proprietor, "we have never been caught out... Wait, no, we were once... when a customer asked for crocodile balls on toast. .........We were clean out of bread."

BR

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway,when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approximately 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times. He finally asks her why they do not eat almonds themselves.
Whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth. They are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.
The old lady answers: "We just love the chocolate around them."

BR

The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson.
This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a ´Lord Nelson.´
The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them.
It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night.
The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told:
"Doctor, Ive been suffering from a delusion. I know now that I am not Lord Nelson."
"Thats wonderful," said the doctor.
"Yes," said the patient, smiling demurely, "Im Lady Nelson”.

BR