Snak

A vicar, a minister and a rabbi walks into a bar. The barman says: "What is this? A joke?".

Hvis antirynkecreme virkelig virkede, ville kvinder ikke have fingeraftryk.

It was time for Father John´s Saturday night bath, and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at FatherJohn´s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do,and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I´ve been saved." "Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun. "Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven." "Did he now?" said the old nun evenly. Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock." "Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly. "At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved." "That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel´s Horn, and I´ve been blowing it for 40 years."

Deaf Italian bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where´s the money"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido where´s the money?.

Guido signs back, "I don´t know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn´t know what you are talking about"

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido´s temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He´ll kill you if you don´t tell him.."

Guido signs back, "OK.!! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno´s house".

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, " He says you don´t have the balls to pull the trigger."

"I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met Andy´s mom´s toys. I mean, they probably had the same names."

It was a hot day...
Helga hung out the wash to dry and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.
"Gootness, it´s hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street .
She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?"
So, she walked in and took a seat at the bar.
The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink.
"Ya know," Helga said in a timid voice.... "I don´t usually go into bars, but today
I vill make an exception...It is zo hot, I tink I´ll haf myself a cold beer"
"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.

Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how´s yur viener?"

BR

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ´I´ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you´d best put your affairs in order.´
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
´Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don´t go so well. In this case, things aren´t well. I have cancer. So, let´s head to the club and have a martini.´
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis.
They were eventually approached by some of the woman´s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ´I´ve been diagnosed with AIDS.´
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman´s daughter leaned over and whispered, ´Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?´
´Because I don´t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I´m gone.´

BR

:-)

Hvad er forskellen på en jøde og en pizza?
En pizza skriger ikke i ovnen.

Hvorfor bliver tyrkiske kvinder aldrig våde?
Fordi de går med tør(re)klæde.

Hvad kalder man to somaliere der har sex?




*Trommesolo* ...Piratkopiering.