Snak

Den side her er fyldt med sjov. Denne er danskerne sikkert glade for, mens den nok havde set anderledes ud i muslimske lande:

http://heltnormalt.dk/tr…/2011/11/10

Dagsson er bare genial:

http://heltnormalt.dk/dagsson/2011/11/10

Der er vildt meget godt derinde. Bob´s Lyn kan også være godt. Der er ret meget Nationen over det.

A group of scallies knock on Kenny Dalglish´s door and start singing "Silent Night, Holy Night". Dalglish opens the door and shouts "piss off!! I´ve already wasted enough money on one shit Carroll.

"Energizer Bunny was arrested. Charged with battery."

"I had a friend that didn´t believe in sex before marriage. So I showed him some photos."

Cowboy comes across an Indian on the range

Cowboy: "That your dog?"

Indian: "Yep."

Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how´s it going?"

Dog: "Doin´ all right."

Indian: (Look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian...)

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How´s he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and
takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: (Look of total disbelief)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how´s it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian...)

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How´s he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down
often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."

Indian: (Look of TOTAL amazement)

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep lie."

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I´m married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you´re not really my type.
4. No thanks, I´m not hungry.
5. I´m not interested in fighting you.
6. Thank you, but I won´t make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and I´d hate to look like a fool!
7. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: ´Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?´
The Fairy Godmother replied: ´Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?´
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. ´I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.´ Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.
Cinderella said ´Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!´ The Fairy Godmother replied ´It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?´ Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: ´I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again.´
At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother spoke again: ´You have one more wish, what shall you have?´
Cinderella looked over to Alan, who was now quivering in the corner with fear. ´I wish you to transform my old cat, Alan, into a beautiful and handsome young man.´ Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biologicial make up, that when he stoof before her, he was a boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother said: ´Congratulations Cinderella! Enjoy your new life.´ With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.
For a few moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other´s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his muscular arms.
He leant close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath, ´I bet you regret having my balls chopped off now, don´t you?´

BR

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ´Steve´s Place,´ and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt
pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had
spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, ´Why the spoon?´

´Well, ´he explained,´ the restaurant´s owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3
spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.´

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. ´I´ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.´ I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter´s fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I
asked the waiter, ´Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?´

"Oh, certainly!´ Then he lowered his voice. ´Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and
eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time
spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, ´After you get it out, how do you put it back?´ ´Well,´ he whispered, ´I don´t know about the others, but I use the spoon.´

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says: ´Can you make me one with everything?´"