Snak

Ja til begge !
De er fremragende.

Ja, i høj grad.

Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room.

The first man´s dog asked the second man´s dog what he´s there for.

They are putting me down.

Oh no, says the first dog, why?

The second dog says, "Well, you see... I´ve been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I´m going to be put to sleep.

The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn´t like it because my scent wasn´t anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also.
The third dog said, "This is my masters new girlfriend. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn´t stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!"

The other dogs say, " so´ that´s why they are putting you to sleep?"

No says the dog, "She is bringing me here to get my toenails clipped!"

BR

Chuck Norris er en sølle, elendig skuespiller og komplet harmløs. Hvis han var så sej, som alle går og siger, ville han stå bag mig lige nu og være klar til at slå mit hoved ned i keyboaavnavofwu aver34ckdcbh c adsh h dgyaw DBdashubvgjvhbhaiadvso VHUB ahaebv

At the Doctors Surgery

There´s nothing worse than a Doctor´s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. This is the way to handle it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, ´Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?´

´There´s something wrong with my dick´, he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, ´You shouldn´t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ´

´Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,´ he said.

The Receptionist replied; ´Now you´ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.´

The man replied, ´You shouldn´t ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ´Yes??´

´There´s something wrong with my ear,´ he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. ´And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?´

´I can´t piss out of it,´ he replied.

BR

"How do you get a fat chick into bed? Piece of cake ..."

A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find himself in a room with all the blinds drawn. Why are all the blinds closed?"
He asked her doctor.
Well, the surgeon responded, "They´re fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn´t want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."

BR

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

BR

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you
sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist
about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more
confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your
shyness and let you tell the world that you´re ready and willing to do just
about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and,
with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent
you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover
many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn´t mind nursing or
becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss
of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity,
delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and
a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or
Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many as you
feel may benefit!

Now. just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz.

An elderly lady was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, ´I think it´s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names.´

The elderly lady hung her head, ´I have to tell you the truth,´ she said, ´his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I´m scared to death to ask the cranky old bastard what his name is.´