Snak

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I´ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

BR

"September ended. Somebody needs to wake up that Green Day guy."

After living in Shanghai for 50 years a Chinese man decides to move to Australia.

He buys a small piece of land near Mt Isa.

A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region.

He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt any Chinese custom, he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another Chinese custom, he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause, and then put an ear next to the bull´s bum.

The Aussie bloke can´t handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, ´Jeez Mate, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull´s arse, it could just about shit on you.´

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, ´ Sorry sir, you no understand. These no Chinese customs I doing, these Australian Customs.´´

What do you mean mate´ says the Aussie, ´Those aren´t Australian customs.

´Yes they are´, replied the Chinese man, ´travel agent man say to become true blue Australian, I must learn chase chicks, drink piss, and listen to bull shit.´

Lille puslespilslægger søger damebekendtskab: Jeg savner en at dele oplevelser med. Jeg har ca. 200 spil. Skriv?

Two Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are seated either side of a
Table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits
on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Pat: - I reckon he´s an accountant.

Seamus: - No way - he´s a stockbroker.

Pat: - He ain´t no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn´t come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer
gets the better of Pat and he makes for the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.

Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Pat: - ´Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were
wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I´m a Logical Scientist by profession

Pat: - Oh? What´s that then?

Suit: - I´ll try to explain by example ...... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Pat: - Er ... mmm .......... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it´s logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a
pond. Which is it?

Pat: - It´s in a pond!

Suit: - Well it´s reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it´s logical to assume that, in this town, if you
have a large garden then you have a large house?

Pat: - As it happens I´ve got a five bedroom house ......... built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you´ve built a five bedroom house it´s logical
to assume that you haven´t built it just for yourself and that you are
quite probably married? And with a family?

Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active
with your wife on a regular basis?

Pat: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don´t masturbate very often?

Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That´s logical science at work!

Pat: - How´s that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I´ve told you
about your sex life!

Pat: - I see! That´s pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Pat returns to his mate.

Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Pat: - Yep! He´s a logical scientist!

Seamus: - What´s that then?

Pat: - I´ll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Seamus: - Nope

Pat: - Well then, you´re a wanker.

- "Did you know that laughter is the second best way to convince a girl to have sex with you?"

- "Really, what is the first?"

- "A knife."

- "Hahaha, you´re so funny."

- "Good choice."

I weekenden, til svigermors 60 års fødselsdag, hørte jeg denne:

Hvordan ved du at din søster har sin menstruation?
- Når din fars pik smager af blod....

Afsenderen var svigerfar.

Jeg håber, at dette lille klip ikke falder helt udenfor trådens ånd.

http://www.youtube.com/w…oCjwhyBVgAQ

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the early gates.

´In honour of this holy season´ Saint Peter said, ´You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.´

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ´It´s a candle´, he said.

´You may pass through the pearly gates´ Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ´They´re bells.´

Saint Peter said ´You may pass through the pearly gates´.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women´s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ´And just what do those symbolize?´

The paddy replied, ´These are Carols!´

BR

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

Feyoncé