Snak

Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.

Fucking bump!



‘Marry Wales, shag Northern Ireland, kill Scotland’, says Johnson
31st July 2019

THE prime minister’s tour of the UK has convinced him that he should marry Wales, f**k Northern Ireland and kill Scotland.

Boris Johnson has visited all three countries in three days to decide on his order and has confirmed to parliamentary colleagues it is definitive and will not change further.

He explained: “Scotland’s the best-looking but she’s a fucking nightmare. Left-wing, freezing cold, always going on about her independence. You couldn’t live with that.


“Wales, meanwhile, might not have the looks or the oil or any decent cities but it’s a proper doormat. Never stands up for itself. Even voted for Brexit. That’s what I’m looking for in a wife.

“And Northern Ireland is totally crazy, half in love with England and half burning with hatred, and everyone knows that makes for incredible sex. God, the scratches on your back afterwards.

“So that’s the order, that’s my decision and those are the priorities of my government. Any further questions?”

Tyskerne forbereder sig på nedlukning ved at hamstre pølse og ost. Et såkaldt wurst käse scenarie.

Sir>> se det er fandeme humor. Haha

En mand kommer hjem fra arbejde. Han satte sig i sin stol, tændte for fjernsynet og sagde til sin kone:
"Hent mig en øl, før det starter."
Hun undrede sig, men hentede en øl til ham.
Han drak den, og sagde "Skynd dig at hente en mere, det starter om lidt!"
Hun blev lidt irriteret, men hentede alligevel en ny øl til ham.
Da den var tom, sgde han "En mere, hurtigt, det kan starte hvert øjeblik!"
Så fik hun nok.
"Hvad fanden bilder du dig ind? Du vælter ind, uden at sige hej, og begynder at kommandere rundt med mig. Tror du jeg er din slave? Her har jeg brugt hele dagen på at gøre rent og lave mad, og så behandler du mig på den måde?"
"Så for helvede" sukkede manden. "Nu starter det".

Jeg forstår ganske enkelt ikke, at man tør lave et corona testcenter i Parken i København... Næsten alle dem der har besøgt Parken i 2020, er kommet derfra med et positivt resultat...

Den så jeg godt på Twitter. Ret sjovt.

A horse is in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner so he goes over for a chat.
The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”
The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”
And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”
The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the Oaks, St Leger and the Derby. And over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup.”
They arrange to meet at the donkey’s house the following week and the donkey thinks “I really need to impress this guy…he done everything.” So he goes out and buys a big picture of a Zebra and hangs it above his fireplace.
The horse arrives and says “Lovely place you have here and who’s that in the picture on the wall?”
The donkey replies “That’s me when I played for Juventus..”

En mus er med sin unge ude og finde føde.

Ved en skov kommer en flagermus, flyvende tæt ned forbi dem.

Ungen siger: Nøjjjjj Mor, når jeg bliver stor vil jeg også i Flyvevåbenet.